[Gundam is out around the grounds when the hamsters begin acting agitated. He can tell they hear the sound of something that's upsetting, and it's Wednesday, after all, so he doesn't ignore it.
He's led to the chapel, but the sight that's waiting for him there is especially horrifying. He first notices Beat, lying on the ground with blood around him, eyes open. There seems to be something in his throat, but with the way he's lying, he can't tell what it is, only that he's dead. His first thought is sadness; Beat has always been kind to him. He had hoped that perhaps...but he's also accustomed to losing things, and the pain he feels isn't overwhelming, doesn't conflict him, beyond forcing him to shove down a little more sadness in his heart before he clenches his fists with determination. He knows he must simply examine the surroundings and then summon help. He's about to send Maga-G off to do so, stepping into the chapel, when he sees another form collapsed against the wall. Two forms.
This time, he reacts with horror, heart pounding, unable to move. He recognizes May immediately, and Xiao Mei as well. He's come to care for her very much. It's not simply that he likes her, or even that he likes children - he doesn't, particularly, though he finds them easier to feel affection towards than other humans. But May is a very strong girl, but gentle, kind to animals, naive and trusting. All of that reminds him in certain painful ways of himself. She's not very like how he was as a child, but she cares about him and knows too little of the world, and he's found himself wanting to protect her very much. And there's little in the world that's more painful than the knowledge that you failed someone who was relying on you.
He shoves those feelings down, as well, however. He's become very good at pushing away feelings that threaten to prevent him from action. If this was the end, he could have quite easily continued to examine the crime scene, summon the others, and go through with the trial. Her death would have bothered him in the same way a thousand things, and several things in particular, have affected him throughout his life, but he would have continued on as he was. It would at least be over.
Instead, he realizes, as he approaches her, that she's still alive. Unconscious, but alive. And he should be relieved, and there is a part of him that is, but there is a part of him that is feeling sick as comprehension of the situation begins to dawn on him.
He goes over to Beat's body and turns him over, and...yes. The kunai. So then, did Beat attack her? He can't hate him for it. He doesn't know Beat's motivations, who it is Beat desires the power over life and death for. If he believed May Chang an easy target, he was mistaken, but guilty? He doesn't particularly care.
What's important is that the situation is different now. It's not a past tragedy that he can push away. It's an impending tragedy that he has the power to alter. And...he does know how to do that. But it isn't a decision he can make lightly. There are those relying on him. There are those who would be...hurt, by what he might do. And he himself, he wants to continue living. If he didn't, he would have abandoned doing so long ago. But even so...
Anyone who happened to try to enter the chapel now would find him sitting near the body, staring at the wall, hands clapsed together, though whether in prayer or whether he's intending to perform some sort of spell is a matter of interpretation. His expression is unusually serious as he considers his decision.]
no subject
He's led to the chapel, but the sight that's waiting for him there is especially horrifying. He first notices Beat, lying on the ground with blood around him, eyes open. There seems to be something in his throat, but with the way he's lying, he can't tell what it is, only that he's dead. His first thought is sadness; Beat has always been kind to him. He had hoped that perhaps...but he's also accustomed to losing things, and the pain he feels isn't overwhelming, doesn't conflict him, beyond forcing him to shove down a little more sadness in his heart before he clenches his fists with determination. He knows he must simply examine the surroundings and then summon help. He's about to send Maga-G off to do so, stepping into the chapel, when he sees another form collapsed against the wall. Two forms.
This time, he reacts with horror, heart pounding, unable to move. He recognizes May immediately, and Xiao Mei as well. He's come to care for her very much. It's not simply that he likes her, or even that he likes children - he doesn't, particularly, though he finds them easier to feel affection towards than other humans. But May is a very strong girl, but gentle, kind to animals, naive and trusting. All of that reminds him in certain painful ways of himself. She's not very like how he was as a child, but she cares about him and knows too little of the world, and he's found himself wanting to protect her very much. And there's little in the world that's more painful than the knowledge that you failed someone who was relying on you.
He shoves those feelings down, as well, however. He's become very good at pushing away feelings that threaten to prevent him from action. If this was the end, he could have quite easily continued to examine the crime scene, summon the others, and go through with the trial. Her death would have bothered him in the same way a thousand things, and several things in particular, have affected him throughout his life, but he would have continued on as he was. It would at least be over.
Instead, he realizes, as he approaches her, that she's still alive. Unconscious, but alive. And he should be relieved, and there is a part of him that is, but there is a part of him that is feeling sick as comprehension of the situation begins to dawn on him.
He goes over to Beat's body and turns him over, and...yes. The kunai. So then, did Beat attack her? He can't hate him for it. He doesn't know Beat's motivations, who it is Beat desires the power over life and death for. If he believed May Chang an easy target, he was mistaken, but guilty? He doesn't particularly care.
What's important is that the situation is different now. It's not a past tragedy that he can push away. It's an impending tragedy that he has the power to alter. And...he does know how to do that. But it isn't a decision he can make lightly. There are those relying on him. There are those who would be...hurt, by what he might do. And he himself, he wants to continue living. If he didn't, he would have abandoned doing so long ago. But even so...
Anyone who happened to try to enter the chapel now would find him sitting near the body, staring at the wall, hands clapsed together, though whether in prayer or whether he's intending to perform some sort of spell is a matter of interpretation. His expression is unusually serious as he considers his decision.]